I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
