Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
