I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
