I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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