Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
