I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
