I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
