I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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