woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
