I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
