Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
