u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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