Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
