One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
