he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
