Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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