i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
