HIV tests are more positive than that guy
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
