Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
