ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
