we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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