my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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