all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
