go do what you do best...puke behind churches
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
