Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
