We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
