No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
