so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
