Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
