I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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