She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
