You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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