had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
whose ass print is on the piano?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
