tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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