His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
