Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
