WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
