Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
