Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
love makes seman taste better
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
