It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
