You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
