Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
