yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
