margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
