Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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