I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
