he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
A+ Viking dick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
