Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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