how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
