She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
