Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
