He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
