Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
