so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
