Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You need a sexual gate keeper
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
