I want to stick my p in your. b.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
